David Livingston, December 4, 1857 (Missionary in Africa):

"For my part, I have never ceased to rejoice that God has appointed me to such an office.  People talk of the sacrifice I have made in spending so much of my life in Africa...Is that a sacrifice which brings its own best reward in healthful activity, the consciousness of doing good, peace of mind, and a bright hope of a glorious destiny hereafter?  Is it, emphatically, no sacrifice.  Say rather, it is a privelage.  Anxiety, sickness, suffering or danger, now and then, with a foregoing of the common conveniences and charities of this life, may make us pause and cause the spirit to waver, and the soul to sink; but let this only be for a moment.  All these are nothing when compared with the glory which shall be revealed in and for us.  I never made a sacrifice."

I wonder why I strive and accept for so little in life.  The second I take a step of faith I think I'm being faithful and making sacrifices, when in reality its not really a sacrifice, I should be expecting and receiving more.  I suppose we'll never truly understand in this life.

Into the Waters Deep (Poem by Gary Parrett, 2006)

O Simon, on this very day,

put all thy lesser dreams away.

Thine eye cannot a glimpse yet see

of all I have in store for thee. 

Wilt thou, by faith, now take this leap?

Put out into the waters deep,

and for a catch let down your net.

My child, thou hast seen nothing yet.

Thy doubtful question well I know:

“Am I to reap where none can sow?”

And weary, too—I see thy strain;

so great the toil, so small the gain. 

But if thou wilt my word obey,

I will transform thy world today,

(though thou shalt sense it by degree).

What wonders wait? Obey, and see! 

Unworthy dost thou claim to be?

Be wise, then, child, and cling to me.

Hold fast unto my pain-pierced hand.

Upon my merits take thy stand. 

To glorify my Name through thee,

shall I reserved, or cautious be?

Behold, my Spirit’s untamed pow’r

shall fill thee full for this, thine hour. 

Beloved Simon, son of John,

thou shalt catch men from this time on.

And Peter soon thy name shalt be,

if thou but trust and follow Me.

----- 

Friend, wilt thou also heed Christ’s call

to gain true life by losing all?

And what is thy new name to be?

If thou wilt dare, obey and see!     

I think I should stop trying to make my entries really dramatic by pretending I'm a deep thinker or with some sudden, deep realization.  In reality, I don't think too much.  On that note...

I decided (against my will, I messed up yet again) to buzz most of my hair off.  I want to mention that because as soon as I looked in the mirror, I instantly felt tougher.  I felt like I got just got out of prison and could beat up more people than I could before.  I stood up taller and walked around with my chest out and felt justified.  I wish I had this feeling when I dressed up like Guile for the Funraiser.  Its weird how hair can make you feel sometimes.

"Letters from a Skeptic":

If there is no heaven...then all the sufferings, tears, and cries of the dying children go unanswered.  Life is finally tragic for all of us.  All of our hopes, longings, struggles, striving come to nothing, pure nothing....But isn't there something in the depth of your heart which refuses to accept this whole truth?  Isn't there something within you which resonates with the biblical proclamation that this story must have a happy ending?

I have a lot of reasons for believing in God, and a lot of reasons for believing that Christianity is true - things I hope to share with you some time in the future.  But even apart from this, I simply refuse to accept that existence can be the senseless nightmare it appears to be, if in fact this short life is the only life there is.

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It seems nobody really writes on xanga anymore.  The new rage is facebook.  I joined facebook a little late, after I graduated college.  Maybe its a sign that I'm getting older:

-I didn't know what facebook was until two years after graduating

-I am adamant about still using CDs (kind of like cassette tapes)

-Party themes are all the rage (i.e. 70's party, dress like the birthday person party)

-The top question I get asked is "how are wedding plans?"

-Back problems, teeth breaking apart, hair doesn't fall down like it used to

-I wear a mouth guard to sleep so I don't grind my teeth to stubs by the time I'm 30

-New freshmen class is Class of 2011 (Are you kidding me???)

-Sleep by midnight (tonight is an exception)

-I listen to NPR and sort of like it

-Can't lose weight as easily

-I worry more and more about parents

-Married people talk to me more

Getting older is all relative.  For those older than me, I don't mean to complain, you're as young as you want to be.  Some things I am looking forward to:

-Marrying Wendy

-Seeing my brothers get married

-Becoming wiser and growing in my faith

-Taking more steps of faith and living it out

-Going on more overseas trips with my wife

Some recent pictures:

My older brothers.  I miss them dearly.

Matt, Sue, Wendy

Wendy's 23rd Birthday

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The quote above gave me a lot of hope.  I think as a Christian, its okay and actually might be good for you to question why you believe sometimes.  Though life is a blessing, in the end, it is undoubtingly tragic.  I've heard some friends say Christianity is ignorance and is just failure to accept what life is.  I am reminded that all suffering, tears, and cries will be answered and absolutely certain that there is more to this broken world than what we see.